I lost the lottery today. I won’t tell my loved ones. I’ll walk around with as much as I had before. Day dreaming about comped shots at closing time. I spent the early morning teaching myself humility and generating random numbers. Imagining a large enough sum to settle in to my life like dust. Telling myself it isn’t greed if I never worked for it. Drummed up scholarship names, for kids like me like mom like dad like sister — but anonymous of course benevolent as I am. They’d have to earn it of course, like I surely would have done. I’m a reasonable not-millionaire. I would probably drive myself in the same car, in the same city, same lump sum rotting in my savings. You see money doesn’t buy happiness, in my wisdom I’d do little else but measure accrued interest. I’m very good at detachment. Of course I’d have to get a lawyer, estate planner, new car, new house, new house, new clothes, more clothes, a cat, a plane ticket, some steak, a boat, a few properties, a studio, a publishing house, old car. I’m not a monk, you know. asceticism is not for everyone. I’d look back on today on now on yesterday on cold wilted food on patches on pants on jump starters and 10 dollar gas re ups on getting full on crackers and tea toast and jelly on cans of food and frozen whatever. I’d look back, because anything else would be an affectation. Don’t you hate when rich people act poor? Or when poor people act like rich people who act poor? I would be so grateful. I’d be the best at tipping just enough to not make it about me. Maybe I’d be a good prodigal son, pay off the house I haunted. Or I’d sit and watch it fall apart. “Nothing to be done,” I’d shrug and thumb through my blessings. I’d get good at living good at saying ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye.’ I’d visit more, who exactly is unclear, but I’d be there. I’d fill my days with the ambient peace, that only the GDP of a small country can afford. No other way to be alive. God knows I won’t do it like this, No point in contentment now. Defining “enough” only counts when you overshot. I lost the lottery today, and the day before. I didn’t play then but it counts too.
i really liked this one :)